Given my work as a sexpert, it is not uncommon for the topic of conversation to always revert in some way back to sex. To that end one of the more common subjects is low sexual desire in women. To be quite honest, men wonder about it as much as women do and many women think it is normal. Many women simply will stop having sex with their partners and will not address it. While sex remains to be a a taboo subject, it is important to recognize that low sexual desire may negatively impact one’s relationship.
So how do women increase low sexual desire?
1. Sex needs to be a priority. If you get out of the habit of having sex, it takes a lot to rev things up again. Marriages can break down because of low sexual desire as it is one of the most important aspects of an intimate relationship. Make time for sex, morning, noon and/or night. Sex need not always happen at night just before bed when people are the most tired, especially women. Meet during lunch and slip away for a little afternoon delight somewhere discreet. It is exciting and will keep you aroused long afterward, every time you think about what you did and more important what you got away with. Just don’t get caught!
2. Exercise. Sex is about blood flow so anything to increase blood flow is likely to help. There is some new research that demonstrates that an increase in heart rate variability which happens during exercise may increase sexual desire/arousal in women.
3. Be Mindful. Mindfulness Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (MCBT). This is the ultimate of “being in the moment.” Instead of thinking about work or what colour to paint your ceiling, think about your genitalia, the sensation and the increasing blood flow. Focus, focus, focus on the pleasure at that moment. After all, it is all about pleasure, fun and enjoyment. Be in that moment.
4. Fantasize. This works especially well in long term relationships where the sex may become dull and routine. You don’t have to think about that movie star which is unattainable when the hot neighbour or co-worker will do. It is up to you whether you want to share that fantasy or not with your lover.
5. Tie it Up! To be “lightly” tied up is the number one fantasy for women. Men why not ask your lover if she has ever thought of it (chances are she has). Then both of you head on down to the local department store and pick up some ties. It all adds to the fun when the sales person is thinking he/she is helping you tie something down when it is actually tying your lover down, only with her consent of course.
6. Bring in the Toys! Only 1/3 of women experience orgasm and 70% require clitoral stimulation. Many women take upwards of twenty minutes to experience orgasm. So bringing in the toys may help to attain that sought after orgasm and/or for those women who do, a vibrator may help to speed things up. Many toys today have a number of different settings to increase help with arousal. What works for one women many not work for another. Think of sex toys as an enhancement not a replacement. Of course you will want to use medical grade silicone toys and water based lubes like V-Love so the toys do not lose their integrity. Keep in mind, new partner? Then new toys. Also shopping together for new toys is part of the fun.!
7. Get Back to the Bedroom. Or slip away to another spot like the kitchen, the shower, the family room, the beach or one of the soundproof bathrooms many restaurants have to offer. Basically it is meant to be fun and exciting so make it that way!!